Jude and I spend a lot of time together. Naturally, where I am he is. I make it my mission to spend time with him outdoors. Today we went on a hike with our dogs, while my favorite worship songs played loudly in my pocket. My family’s faith has been tested and strengthened in the last 6 months. You might have seen a post of two mentioning the woman’s bible study I joined 7 weeks ago, I needed God. My son has been dealing with a string of challenges and he’s finally feeling…free. Jude started showing signs of anxiety many years ago and it only intensified over the years. We thought it was just a phase, it didn’t go away. His emotions were all over, ranging from sadness, boredom, and anger. He didn’t know how to express himself.
Because I am on YouTube, I am judged for everything including my parenting. I am always compared to other influencers and how they choose to raise their children. Ive been sent so many bibles, passive aggressively, I could start my own church. A few made comments about how my son isn’t in private school and how selfish I am to not give him the best education with the resources I have. The truth is, I tried. He was attending Christian private school during summer. Kris and I volunteered 2 days a week to support our son and accompany his class on field trips. My son was dismissed only a month in because he had sever anxiety – not getting into a fight, no rules were broken – simply because he was having an anxiety attack and they didn’t know how to deal with it. There was no prayer, no sympathy for my son, no nothing. I was handed a check and I left with my sons hand in mine. I assured him that I was happy with him, and grateful we had the opportunity to find somewhere better.
From that moment I was going to do whatever it took to ensure he would NEVER feel dismissed by anyone, because of who he is and what he is going through. This post is not to shame him, but to shed light on mental health and to give hope to others. Through my research and personal therapy, I feel comfort knowing I am not alone. My son is not the only one, my family is not the only ones feeling this way. There is light at the end. There are better days to come. I am happier and grateful for the healing my son and family are finally experiencing. Amen!
YouTube has been a place were influencers have shared only the best parts of their lives. If connecting with my followers has always been my motivation for uploading…I knew I needed to start sharing. Im on a journey to start living my purpose. If you too are going through something similar, please feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section. I would love to connect.
Its summer! Some are super excited, and others are mothers. Mother’s who work from home who now have to juggle being mommy and the employee. I didn’t really understand why my mom was more stressed during school breaks. Now I get it mom, loud and clear! Its all the food our children are consuming. The “Im bored” declaration before noon. I struggle with finding balance. There are only so many video games, books, and card games before you all start getting cabin fever! I know I need to work to provide, but my heart breaks looking up from my screen to catch my son’s big beautiful eyes waiting for his turn with me.
I am grateful our family has been united but I can’t help but still feel like a single parent sometimes. Most times. I think I am just feeling like a mom. A lot is expected of us. To cook and clean, stock the fridge, make the lunches, play doctor or referee. We make the budgets, plan the vacations, and everything else in between. This is why we get lost for hours at target…on purpose! I love Kris, but if he asks me one more time how much allergy medicine to give our son, when all he has to do is move his thumb on the bottle he is holding – I am going to lose it! Again, I love him, but come on!
With that said I am going to try my best to schedule out every moment, even some time to do nothing. At 8:15pm tonight I plan to lay on my bed, like a potato, and watch a teen sitcom for hours shamelessly judging all the poor choices the characters make until I pass out. Hey, whatever floats your boat. 13 Reason Why is where its at! I want to spend more time in prayer, grow my own vegetables, eat those vegetables, and play with my son. Like really play with him. Maybe even learn how to play his favorite video game. MAYBE!
I have been a mom for almost 9 years and my son Jude gets around. Make sure to subscribe to my YouTube channel for:
TOP 10 PLACES TO TAKE YOUR KIDS IN CALIFORNIA ON A BUDGET.
Money never stopped my mom from having a blast with her 4 kids, and it shouldn’t stop you either. Are you feeling the summer blues? How do you shake it off? What are your plans for the next 2 months? Let us all know in the comments below!
TESTING 1 – 2 – 3 ! – Starting up my blog in a new place (wordpress.com) is intimating! Its like I am starting from scratch! Sometimes I feel too old to learn new things, but I am always willing to try! I hope this is the start of something fun and freeing!
My family is experiencing a lot of new changes. Kris and I are growing closer after being separated for 6 years. Jude has suffered from anxiety and mood disorders for years and he is starting to experience healing! Work for me has been steady, and it keeps me grateful everyday! I am learning to love my body and all of imperfections. I don’t have cancer, I’m not disfigured…im just curvy. Okkkurrrr?!
I have big plans this summer! Traveling, Fitness, Volunteer Work and so much more! Make sure to check in with me or follow me on social media for updates! Also things are going to start changing over on my YouTube channel. My content is going to take a shift and I hope you guys like it! AHHHHHH! Im excited and want to throw up at the same time haha.
Ready? Set. GO!